Episode Notes

While there is no “right way” to self investigate, nor are there specific milestones more important than others, Lance’s “circuitous” story is a fascinating one – touching upon almost every conceivable aspect of inquiry one might encounter.

These include: grappling with cognitive dissonance, the deprogramming of worldview, the recognition and collapse of self construct, the journey to understand the most fundamental nature of self and reality, and finally, the resolution of inquiry, and a new relationship with life as it continues unfolding.

In Lance’s words, he does not offer this story as something to follow. He emphasizes that everyone’s journey unfolds in it’s own way. That said, his observations and feelings are highly relatable, and for that reason, there are numerous small lessons and insights to be gleaned.

This conversation is presented in two parts: Part 1 tells Lance’s story. Part 2 is an extended conversation diving more deeply into death, the profound power of meditation, and desire.

Lance has a substack, here.

Part 1 – Lance’s Story

Timestamps

Childhood signs and curiosities – 2:00

Christian upbringing – 7:50

Cracks in Christian worldview – 10:50

11 year investigation of faith – 17:40

Formulated a sharp question: “What the hell is going on?” – 19:00

Renounced faith. What now? Buddhism and Tao Te Ching. – 21:10

Meditation practice begins – 23:00

• Had powerful inner “vision” that gave him a nudge. I didn’t answer questions, but it told him he was on the right track. It was very visceral, incomparable to anything religion provided.
• Doubled-down on meditation at that point.

New question emerges: “What is the nature of reality and self?” – 29:15

Tumultuous transitions – self-deconstruction and divorce. – 32:00

• Meditation helped decompress and stay grounded
• Lot of journaling
• Zen Mind Beginners Mind

Meditation led to deeper self-psychoanalyzing – 39:00

• Started realizing a bunch of causes and effects in his life
• Started impacting who he thought he was
• Insights started just sort of appearing, continuously
• Held thoughts with fascination, non-judgmentally
• Aspects of his “self” began losing power

The collapse of self – 46:45

• Recognized how the past is just a memory
• Saw clearly – the self as a mental construct
• A bomb going off in his mind – self image obliterated – 49:10
• The question “who am I?” now seemed even MORE perplexing

Returning to “real life” – 51:00

• The world went on just the same… despite this radical inner transformation
• The inquiry to understand self/reality felt stronger than ever

Recapping the collapse of self – 52:50

• All of this began spontaneously, from inside… Lance was merely observing
• Gradually realized “this was a thing” (collapse of self) that happened to people
• No “way” to trigger an event like this – everyone’s journey happens as it will
• “When you realize you don’t know who you are, that changes how you interact with the world” – 58:20
• Became certain “I literally don’t know anything”

The journey to understand self gradually reveals – who are we NOT? – 1:00:00

The final leg of Lance’s inquiry – 1:02:00

• Quit his job – began aligning his life with his insights
• Intro to Alan Watts – speaking Lance’s language – 1:07:00
• Unlocked a “spiritual buffet” of inquiry
• Really enjoying life – rid of his past self construct – first time living life just to enjoy it
• Waking Up (Book) – book by Sam Harris – introduced to all these traditions
• Inquiry paused for a couple years – simply enjoying life
• Waking Up (App) – key to Lance’s “final click”

The “final click” – 1:18:00

• The inquiry into self and the nature of reality converge 1:22:45
• John Wheeler – “Fundamental Nature”
• Life goes on … nothing changes
• Returning to life in light of this – Chop wood carry water – 1:28:20
• It’s very weird, initially, when the mother of all inquiries goes quiet – 1:30:00
• “What now?” … go with the flow – Wu Wei

The “final click” was not a prerequisite to radically transform life – 1:33:55

Lance’s life thereon – 1:40:15

• Closure – the question falling away
• Liberation – the freedom from wondering if you’re missing anything

References:

Zen Mind Beginner’s Mind
Quiet Mind
Tao Te Ching
Alan Watts
John Wheeler
Waking Up Book
Waking Up App

Part 2 – Extended Discussion

Discussion Invite

It is baffling, how we are all entangled with a black box hallucination machine known as the human brain, and barely anyone, broadly speaking, is curious how this works.
Can we explore this?